I have lost the meaning of the time. Two months in the prison, especially where I was, has mix up many things. First of all the concept of time has transformed strongly in my mind. Moments, seconds, hours, days and so on, have another meaning. Time is depending on mentality. Sometimes minutes take long more than days and sometimes days take long only like moments. I had some moments that really took long like months for me. There were Some Moments that the mentality becomes powerfully active and I had to review many scenarios only at one minute or less. At this position I had to think about many things that could effect on my life or the others. There were some moments, which my future was depended on it. However I had no control on the things that came after that. Sometimes you do something and then look forward the results. Sometimes, you don’t understand that how you involve in a play. How some people involve you in a dirty game? And how your destiny depends on it. I was at the middle of a dirty play. I could never imagine such a bad day….Anyway I am going to find out some personal result. Leaving alone in room for days and days, praying to god, have no hope to others to effect on your destiny and so on, make a complex that bring you some new and unlimited lessons for the rest of the life. Now after I released from the jail 3 weeks ago, I am going to find out these lessons about myself, my family, my skills, future, friends, society and the other things that make the life of every human being.
Two months ago I wrote an article about the hopes and the fears in Iranian civil Society. In this article I have mentioned several options for the future. I could never read it for the people myself. But a few days after writing this article one of the options accrued for myself and I was sent to the jail by conservatives because "the threats of civil society". I never understood what my charges were. All my activities in civil society help the country in its way to development. But they have another pessimistic approach. They think the strengthening the civil society is an instrument for the enemies of the regime to influence in the system. This pessimistic dream really wastes the recourses. It put the activists in the trouble. I was the expense of this approach. However I am not the last. I think it will continue in the coming future. But about myself; A mild writer and journalist and civil society activist I have never been a radical activist. I have never written something over the red lines of the regime, but they sent me to the jail to say:"All I have done have been mistakes". What do they achieve? Does anybody believe it? All my activities in the past years show my mentality and perspective about the way that I have chosen in my life. So no confession letter can say even a piece of reality. It has some other messages. You probably have understood the message. Haven't you?
I am free. Thank's god. The result of all prayers and asking god to release me at midnights by myself and my friends and relatives and the others. Now, there is another chance to start another life. Looking at streets, people, babies and spending my time with my mother and father who look more older during the two months that I have been in prison. It has passed for them even more than years. Unblieveable! Life goes on. Life is beautiful. I am going to forget... I have to forget....
