Today is the first day of the Iranian New Year holidays. I had enough time for spending time with my family. I had enough time to look at the blue sky when the New Year started. A few months ago I wished to have a chance looking freely to the sky 1o minutes a day. I had 5 minutes for walking in a day. Sometimes even I had not this chance and I had to look at the roof all 24 hours for days. Now, whenever I look at the blue sky, I remember people who are withheld for looking freely. Sometimes we can not understand the taste of things that we are benefiting. But the meaning of life is a collection of all these tastes. The people whom we meet, the sky that we look, the papers that we read, the things that even sometimes bother us and we try to get ride of them, the things that arouse us for any change in our life and many other things. Sometimes we think that these are some ordinary themes that all our life has been involved with it. But when you are separated and /or cut from all of these small things, you will understand the weight of things that have covered your daily atmosphere. We need all of these signs and requirements for or normal life and when some people don’t let us having a share; we are in a deprived situation which hurt us. Hurt, sometimes is so powerful and destroy the personality and sometimes it takes too long for coming back to the normal life.
I remember times that I was thinking about the meaning of the life and my role in the real life and my destiny. I tried not to be optimist. Look at the real elements! What I have done after coming out of that mad house is outcome of all my thoughts. I have been never radical in my way to express my ideas, because I extremely believe that the rapid changes most of the time are not stable and beside, the expenses of the rapid changes mostly is expensive and it doesn’t worth. So I have never written any radical comment or articles against any individuals or institutions, however I have criticized many of them in a civil approach. But they told me that all I have done have been an attempt to create a black face of the system. But everybody who knows me can easily recognize the truth. So confessions never help anybody. Because when the mild children of the revolution who are optimists about their society and also are positive forces for constructing their society, are sent to prison with some unfounded charges, it become some thing like spittle at the air. It probably goes back to their faces. I wrote it to show them tasting the real face of their crude behaviors. However I am so sorry for the blessed land of Iran….where are we going?
An Iranian blogger has suggested changing the name of blogs concurrent with 19 March protesting against the War in London. I have changed my blog name to Hands off Iran too. However for the Iranians who lives in Iran and the Iranians who are out of Iran the topic has the different, Mehdi Jami a well known blogger has mentioned in his blog that the numbers of Iranians in the protest against the war has not been a lot. "Perhaps they think the war is far from Iran". He said. But I think the important point is that they are doubtful about this kind of protests. They are uncertain about the Iranian destiny. Once i read somewhere that No one could imagine any free election in Iraq and Afghanistan, but know you can see the changes. So, as I have passed a terrible time during the last months and another face of the story is revealed for me as for many Iranians. I try not to judge. I have written some anti-war comments and articles but little by little my faith is decreasing. How knows?
However I support my friends and the other bloggers in this way, but consider that the real world is bigger than the bloggers atmosphere. Especially inside the Iran.
Sima Shaksari has written a comment in her blog too. I like it, but I think the Iranian Intellectual are getting away from the poeple way. What do you think? To help the released individuals!
During the last months I was in doubt to continue writing in my blog. We I arrested for some unknown charges mostly writing on weblog and also some comments and articles in dailies and websites, I was so pessimistic. But after a while I started to write again. First of all started to write on my blog in Farsi and after that I started writing here.
Now, four months after releasing I can’t still sleep at night, I can hear the load and rough voices; I can not stay alone at home or everywhere. I start up of my dream every night. I dream about the things that I suffer by them and many many things that need time to describe.
There are things in everybody’s life that never goes back. Have you seen the “Irreversible” movie? I think it is wonderful because shows some situations in our life that is out of our control but it happen and we have to convene with its side effects. Perhaps one of the issues that Human Rights Organizations can deal with is to pay attention to the person who release from the jail. Because there many problems for them after coming out. And sometimes they can not fix it up. They need help. It makes no differences that are they and how much they are important or not.
A week after I released I came to a psychologist for some problem I had. Accidentally he had the same experience that I had about two decades ago. He was going to solve my problem and show me the ways. But I found that he still has many problems with that period and it was exactly when he started to explain some memories about that period. So I found that he cannot help me. I think HR organizations can do many thing with the released persons to send back them to the normal life. I will talk about this issue more
And the last point, I heard that Arash Sigarchi has released. Congratulation to everybody!